This Year I…

… became permanent … created a laughing buddha … began looking after Glinda and Elphaba … moved to the most famous beach in the world … broke both my hands on a date … got osteoporosis … had my mum fly 10,000 miles to nurse me … caught up with some old friends of Jerry … hit a top C … watched John Bucchino tinkle the ivories … got a lawyer … had physio … made friends with Brazil and Adelaide … saw Patti coming up roses … chipped a tooth on a creme brulee … was moved to tears by a singing bipolar grieving mother … saw old friends in the Big Apple … celebrated my first Thanksgiving … experienced 30 mins of New York ice hockey … hung out at Hollywood star’s home in LA … flew with Jack Bauer … met a boy.

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Stephen Fry’s Best Bits…

ON HIS COMEDY PARTNER HUGH LAURIE IN “HOUSE”
One of the hardest things to do is act smart. But you actually believe that he is intelligent (2006)

ASKED BY HIS SCHOOL CAREERS OFFICER WHAT JOB HE ENVISAGED FOR HIMSELF
School Careers Officer (1973)

ON TECHNOLOGY
I have never had fewer than 10 working Macs on the go since the late 80s (2007)

TO AN INTERVIEWER ON TV-AM
Not wishing – in any way – to correct you, but it is pronounced Worcester, not Wooster… in the same way that it’s Woodhouse not Wodehouse (1992)

ON LIVING IN SWAFFHAM IN NORFOLK
You see it all. You see your hoody pikey chavvies, you see your happy-slapping. But it’s leavened by a bit of fluffy Englishness and damp tweed. It’s just what it should be (2007)

ON CONVERSATION AT CRICKET MATCHES
You don’t get people going round saying: “Did it work for you?” and “It seems to me there’s a sense in which…”, like those awful scum on late-night BBC2 shows (1999)

ON TECHNICAL PROBLEMS
My life is a shattered bowl of arse (2009)

HOSTING A CHARITY EVENT
As the Archbishop of Canterbury likes to say: “That’s enough tedious wank. Let’s party!” (1991)

ON PHYSICAL CONGRESS
Sex does not enrich or deepen a relationship – it permanently cheapens and destabilises it (1985)

15 YEARS BEFORE “STEPHEN FRY ON AMERICA”
I get terribly depressed with the English obsession with America. These wasted little people with their baseball hats, who usually live in Newport Pagnell, who say: “Did you watch the Bears game yesterday?” Oh go away, go and live there, for God’s sake (1992)

ON HIS DEMEANOUR
I have a smug air that I’ve done everything short of cutting my face open to try and get rid of (2009)

ON WEIGHT GAIN
I am currently developing myself for digital widescreen (1999)

AFTER BEING TOLD, BY ONE OF ALMOST ONE MILLION FOLLOWERS, THAT HIS TWEETS WERE “A BIT BORING”
You’ve convinced me. I’m obviously not good enough. I retire from Twitter. Bye everyone (2009)

HOSTING “QI”
Welcome to QI, the show that rhymes with Stephen Fry (2006)

Taken from The Observer article by John Hind, 8 November 2009

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Nobel Gestures…

Lest we forget, 10 months ago one man gave America and the rest of the world included, the hope it needed to convince themselves that ‘hope’ was possible in times of a global crisis. A global crisis we are still enduring and fighting to overcome. For a period of time, we acknowledged this significant moment in history for what it was and gave it the attention it rightly deserved, attention usually reserved for Angelina Jolie’s children or Lindsay Lohan’s rehab exploits. America recognised to move on. The nation needed to change its future, its attitude and President Elect Obama was to be this symbol of inspiration. In a frank and anticipated moment before Election Day, people were worried this time in their bruised and battered history would never happen, that another inept, uncharismatic Republican would be elected again and all hopes would be dashed in finally electing someone of true revolutionary value. But the totally unthinkable actually came true. Obama was finally voted into office. A “Goddam black man” as a bemused Texan plantation owner would say, became the most powerful man in the western world.

America needed this to happen. Hell, the whole world needed Obama. So we looked up too. That’s right, we took noticed of American politics in a way we never had before and he engaged us with his eloquence and promised with staid humility he would do his best to make his country great again and give his nation the respect from the rest of the world once more. For the first time, cynics were subdued for a little while as we allowed ourselves to be carried by the swell.

But only for a little while.

What is interesting about this week’s announcement that President Obama is to be this year’s recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, is the fact he himself has been first up to the block to express his complete surprise of being nominated and recognise he has yet to fulfill such a legacy worthy of such a distinguished prize. Despite Obama’s seemingly lack of credentials, I congratulate him on receiving the Nobel Peace Prize. No, he has not created schools in desolate areas of a third world country or championed civil rights in a part of the world with an oppressive regime. He has yet to fulfill his legacy and like the rest of the world, I hope he lives up to his promise. Obama has done what anyone in his position would do, he has taken the accolade with humility and vowed to do his best to live up to it. Yes, we should be questioning the decisions of Nobel jury, bestowing a prize of this nature puts enormous pressure on him to succeed and is somewhat preemptive. I imagine Republicans are smacking their hands together in glee and anticipation to see “the Great Obama” being set up once again for an even greater fall from grace. It gives the opposition the opportunity to attack and pour criticism over Obama’s lack of achievements since he entered the White House. To me, this makes as much sense as attacking Sean Pean for winning Best Actor last year and not the Academy who voted for him.

I worry about the danger of, dare I use the word ‘mankind’s pessimism’. For us to be united and overcome issues like the global recession or nuclear weapons development, we have to change our mindset and we have to work together. I realise this is an idealistic notion to demand from the cynical selfish world we live in, but past history shows us we are capable of achieving great things in times of crisis if forces work in unison. Is it necessary we have to endure another 9/11 or plunge into further economic crisis for us to be able to do this? Do we really have to perpetuate politician’s skepticism so they can prove a point and live up to the reputation of being all rhetoric and no substance or do we allow ourselves to give into something greater? Unfortunately, I have no grand answers to this but I do feel it’s important to at least, in some small way, stand up and say “I’m with you, I support what you’re doing”. I am grateful and have huge admiration for the one man who has managed to get me more politicised and more interested in government than any other politician I’ve known in my lifetime. I’m probably not the only one who has been influenced by President Obama in this small but important way either. We live in an apathetic world. Where more people vote for the X Factor than in their local elections. We have either been jaded by far too much rhetoric in the past or have grown up simply not caring anymore. But now we have a potential new generation who are inspired again by politics. Now to be able to do that especially for Gen Y, well, that does needs rewarding.

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Who Are These People Bill?…

Watch this video for the launch of Windows 7. Actually, you won’t watch all of it as you will be left dumbstruck within the first minute.

Who are these people? Are they actually suggesting I host a party to launch a Windows programme? Are they that desperate for people to use this new system they have to hire actors to pretend this is normal behaviour? I’d like to remind Microsoft of the Apple advertising campaigns. Did they honestly think these ads would surpass them somehow? As you can see by the number of question marks used in my first paragraph alone, it has baffled me completely how an ad campaign like this could ever be approved. Actually, scrub that thought, having worked in the industry for far too long, I should know better. There is probably more to write about this hilarious travesty but I will leave you to absorb its great banality for now.

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Consumer Advice…

Fantastic. Charlie Brooker has just described Transformers 2 as:

“being pinned to the ground while an angry dishwasher shat in your face for two hours.”

I never tire of this man’s adept use of words. Genius in a pent up ball of journalistic frustration. More from the “miserable writerist” can be found here.

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Funny Guy…

This man goes on my BFM list. A list I’ve not talked about in a while actually, in fact I think I skipped a whole year as I compiled my list back in 2007. Probably because my enthusiasm for the male variety of the species has waned over the years. Someone really has to ‘knock my socks off’ you know, they really do.

Sorry, I digress. This is Seth MacFarlane.

You’d probably recognise his voice more than his face. As he is the creator of Family Guy. Also the writer, producer and the voice of Peter, Stewie, Brian and Quagmire . He is also the creator of American Dad, The Cleveland Show and is the highest paid producer in television. He’s at that level of ridiculously, talented, rich, smart and funny that makes your arsehole quiver with jealousy.

So Seth qualifies. And if I lived in LA, I’d be trying to casually brush past him in Starbucks or something. I can hear the school girl mutterings and the suppressed laughter of those who are thinking “Fancying a multi-millionaire now that’s an original one”. Work with me here people. It’s my online fantasy list who else am I meant to be putting on here?

So what does my 2009 BFM LIST look like now?

DANIEL BOYS – ACTOR.
Musical Theatre performer and current star of Avenue Q in the West End. An incredibly successful career since losing ‘Any Dream Will Do’ and has even done a duet with John Barrowman singing ‘I Know Him So Well’. He’s also the only one on my list I’ve actually met. Three times. All occasions slightly awkward. And of which all portrayed me as slightly weird.
STEPHEN OREMUS – MUSICAL ARRANGER / DIRECTOR.
Another Theatre Type. A highly respected man who has worked on Wicked, Avenue Q and most recently 9 to 5: The Musical. Has also worked with the likes of Rufus Wainwright on his Judy Garland tribute at the London Palladium. Looks great from behind holding a baton too.
STEVE GROVE – HEAD OF NEWS & POLITICS FOR YOUTUBE.
Came to my attention during the 2008/2009 Election Campaign in America with his insights and commentary on Citizentube. Even took the time to reply to my Facebook message. Also has eyes you could drown in and gives me hope brains and beauty is actually possible in a man. He probably has a girlfriend called something irritatingly cliched like ‘Mandy’ or ‘Cassie’.
MARK RUFFALO – ACTOR.
First noticed him in ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ then really fell for the bearded one in ‘We Don’t Live Here Anymore’. Tends to be cast as the long suffering boyfriend type in his more mainstream movies when he’s not doing the more interesting stuff like ‘In the Cut’ and ‘Zodiac’. Which is more than fine by me.
AARON SORKIN – SCREENWRITER.
The man behind ‘The West Wing’. Need I say more. He is a genius amongst men. I would have his babies if I could learn how to write just a fraction of what he’s capable of. Plus he once dated Kristen Chenoweth, so he obviously likes short people who sing loudly.
SETH MACFARLANE – TV PRODUCER/WRITER/ACTOR.
Creator of ‘Family Guy’ and all round creative genius with the same twisted warped, controversial sense of humour as myself. A man who can make me laugh goes a long way. Well enough about Seth. I’ve dedicated this entry to him which is far too much fawning for one day.
If I think of anymore I’ll just update this entry. Still musing if Hugh Jackman should go on there or not again. Right, back to the real world and the plethora of men who wait at my door. Why do I suddenly feel like Mr Banks about to interview nannies in Mary Poppins just then?
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Temporary…

I watched John Bucchino tonight. Yes, you know John Bucchino? John? Okay I admit, I didn’t know who he was either until about a month ago. I was first introduced to his music when Jeremy picked one of his songs for me to sing. I did a bit of digging and downloading and discovered a whole wealth of staggeringly beautiful songs. Many of which have been sung by Broadway greats such as Liza Minnelli, Kristen Chenoweth, Patti Lupone etc. He’s also penned a lesser known musical called ‘A Catered Affair’. I’ve fallen in love with his music a bit as it’s the right combination of wry humour and the bittersweet that I love to sing about. He’s friends with Stephen Sondheim and Stephen Schwartz apparently. I don’t know if they’ve had any direct influence with his writing but I wouldn’t be surprised if they have. He performed a amazing little number tonight about simply chatting up a good-looking bar man and fantasizing about taking him home. It was both awkward, candid and hilariously real. I’m currently learning his song ‘Not A Cloud In The Sky’ about an obsessive, control freak who is trying not to flip out about the fact his lover is actually dying of AIDS. I know it doesn’t sound like a bundle of laughs but check his songs out, I dare you not to be moved by them.

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Politics and Love…


It still mystifies me how allowing two people to ‘marry’ regardless of who they are, somehow denigrates another person’s ideology regarding the definition of marriage. I see a couple recognising their partnership being based on love, commitment, being able to express this to each other and with family and loved ones. This is only thing that matters when it comes down to the proverbial brass tacks. The framework to how this ‘partnership’ or ‘marriage’ is founded upon varies throughout so many different countries, cultures, religions and beliefs. Marriage by definition cannot be defined by one sect.

I must mention now, I am not talking about the legal definition of marriage, as this has a different agenda and meaning when it comes to law and politics. Government, taxes and your bank manager don’t care who you are unless there’s an economic advantage to it. Political equality is never seemingly about social equality these days unless for an election rally. Hence politicians and their reluctance to lobby for it and frequently clouding the issue when there is no due cause fight for it. It is usually up those personally driven to lead the way and stir up social discussion. Matt Alber, a LA based gay singer songwriter wrote in his blog about moving away from the traditional campaigning for gay rights and focusing on taking a different approach and building it up from a grassroots level: in the home, at school, in the workplace. Only then will people realise we lead quite average, everyday lives just like our straight counterparts.

The definition of the word ‘marriage’ has been the key issue that has got Americans in California to uphold Proposition 8 this week. It is the only reason why many people voted against it. Many who upheld Prop 8, saw it as an infringement against their own belief system or ‘way of life’. How Greg and Alex’s marriage plans in San Francisco affects Helen the devout Catholic and her family in San Diego is beyond me. But this is how it has been fed to the masses and I feel for people like Matt who have had to suffer directly because of this awful politically driven, ill-informed decision making.

How does one protect ‘marriage’ in a world where there are increasing divorce rates amongst hetrosexual couples who are allowed to marry in the first place? Statistics show in countries where gay marriage is legalised, the divorce rate is significantly lower with gay couples than their straight counterparts. This belief system of protecting marriage is only ever weakened by those whose abuse the meaning and by those whose use a doctrine of faith to irrationally argue against the issue in question, having to resort to quoting scripture and using blanket condemnation. It’s hard enough to say ‘I love you’ and really mean it, so it’s awful to be denied the chance to say it when opportunity does come along. Stirring more intolerance and division in a world that is becoming increasingly smaller and more homogenized, saddens my heart a great deal. I have no answers to this issue, as we are all different. We should learn to just let the other side live but that will never realistically happen. There is much unhappiness in the world, if two people find love whether gay, Nazis or a pair of Fresian cows, it seems an awful waste of misguided energy and bitterness to fight against it. We should be celebrating the one part of human nature that makes us wonderful and unique after all.

As corny as it sounds we should be letting love hold hands with whoever it likes.

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Poor Susan…

Oh dear. Ms Boyle fucked up on live television. Yet the public continue to clap wildly as if the Emperor truly was wearing garments made from the finest silks in all the land.

She sang off key and for a moment became the incredibly average spinster who is a tad mental but who could carry the odd tune, the woman she always has been basically. Not the ‘National Treasure’ we’ve been told to clutch to our cynical bosom.

Oh how hearts must have sunk yesterday. Yet the media has already sold us the idea of ‘Susan Boyle’ so we can’t go back on our word now surely? She’s still an inspiration to us all. A “beacon of light in our dark tunnels” as Princess Diana herself once admitted in her own televised meltdown. Of course back then, the phrase the media embraced was the ‘Queen of People’s Hearts’ and not the previous more revealing line that, well, made her also sound a tad mental.

I posted on my Facebook status that I had more talent in my left ball sack than Susan Boyle and have been immediately harangued and accused of being jealous and a tad unsupportive.

How amusing. Of what exactly?

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So, Do, La, Fa, Mi, Do, Re….

Just watching this makes me feel so happy I could cry. Which I realise is quite possibly the soppiest thing ever for me to do. Must be the inner ‘Julie Andrews’ trilling inside me. If only the world was this spontaneous and well choreographed.

Pure Genuis! Great ad campaign for the Belgiums too.

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